Cards Against Humanity is Saving America

first_imgBack before shitposting was called shitposting, it was called Cards Against Humanity marketing strategy. This is a company that has sent literal bullcrap to people, and raised prices for Black Friday. Calling them offbeat is like calling Tim and Eric “slightly whimsical.” And right now, for the holiday season, Cards Against Humanity is saving America.Last month, they invited people to send them $15 with two promises. One was six mailings of CAH materials, like bonus cards. The other was buying a parcel of land on the United States-Mexico border and denying the government permission to build a wall there. I like CAH, and I was excited about new cards, so I sent in some cash. Now I’m five mailings in, and so far they have not disappointed.Let’s get this out of the way first. No, CAH can’t single-handedly stop the construction of a border wall. Purchased land could be claimed under eminent domain, so if the government really intends to build the wall, this won’t stop it. The legal team CAH has allegedly retained might slow it down, but this isn’t a huge heroic wall-stopping gesture.The real goal in these mailings is everything else CAH is doing with the money it received to spread something positive around the country. Let’s go by the days so far.Mailing 1: Cards Against Humanity Stops the WallThis is the start, and it’s exactly what CAH said it would be. A certificate stating that I helped Cards Against Humanity buys 0.000667% of a parcel of land at the border, along with a very nice poster/map on heavy parchment paper. All that and six new cards.Mailing 2: The Good News PodcastTo brighten up attitudes with everything feeling so dark, Cards Against Humanity started the Good News Podcast, a podcast about positive things. And they sent some cute stickers and six more cards that are all really pleasant. And yes, it’s a real podcast.Mailing 3: Wealth RedistributionWhen I signed up for Cards Against Humanity Saves America, I was given a survey to fill out with different personal information. One of the questions was about income. On the third mailing, CAH sent $1,000 checks to the 100 poorest respondents and $15 refunds to the next 10,000 poorest. I got two cards, and I’m not even mad.Mailing 4: Cards Against Humanity Destroys HomeworkThis mailing was an invitation to send more money… to children. And CAH offers to match donations up to $100,000. And you don’t have to have contributed to Cards Against Humanity Saves America to do it. You can just click here and toss a few bucks towards classrooms all around the country, and CAH will match it. It includes a short policy paper talking about how homework has very little value, and children should be assigned less of it for their emotional and physical health. It also came with three copies of thank you notes from kids, and six more cards.Mailing 5: Cards Against Humanity’s Pulse of the NationWe know people are stupid, but we don’t really know how stupid. That’s why Cards Against Humanity commissioned Survey Sampling International to poll 3,000 people across the country monthly about politics. It included a pamphlet of the first survey’s results, along with six more cards.Mailing 6: Cards Against Humanity Saves BaseballI haven’t gotten it yet, but apparently Cards Against Humanity bought the naming rights to a minor league baseball stadium. Welcome the Joliet Slammers of Joliet, Illinois to their new home, The Cards Against Humanity Baseball Place!I gotta say, this is a much better way to improve America than adding $1.5 trillion to the US’ debt to benefit the 1% wealthiest Americans, who will get 82% of the perks from the GOP’s recently passed tax “reformation.” Oooooh noooo, I turned this into a political post. Let us know what you like about Geek by taking our survey.last_img read more